How do I convince the love of my life that a prenup protects us both, and isn't an omen that we'll end up divorced before we say "I do"?
Dear Metro Money,
I'm engaged and thrilled to get married. There's only one problem: My fiancé and I can't agree on getting a prenup.
As a woman who may need to leave the workforce to raise children, I want to avoid being left in a difficult financial situation should the worse happen. I've had countless friends and family end up in terrible circumstances post-divorce, because there was no prenup. My aunt and my mom, for example, were both left with nothing when their husbands left them.
My fiancé, on the other hand, grew up in a two parent household. His parents are still together without any significant financial problems. He hasn't seen what I've seen; and he believes signing a prenup is an omen that I don't believe our marriage will last.
I love him, and I believe we'll have a long happy marriage. But I think his position is irrational and unfair. I don't want to break up, but this feels like I'm sacrificing my well-being to quell what I believe to be highly superficial concerns.
- To Prenup, or Not to Prenup
Dear Prenup,
I'm preaching to the choir but prenups get an unfair shake. While prenups can seem you’re “planning for a divorce,” every couple can benefit from a well-drafted and fair prenup.
In fact, a prenup wouldn't just to protect you, it would protect your fiancé as well. An outside party, like an attorney specializing in family law, might help you both understand that better. Ask your fiancé if he would be willing to just take one introductory meeting, to learn more. Maybe that would be a good step in the right direction.
If your fiancé still refuses to get a prenup after meeting with an attorney, then you have a deeper rooted problem that even marriage won't solve. It might be worthwhile to seek counseling, to understand where your fiancé's fear is coming from.
Have a counselor during sessions constructively address why a prenup is important to you, and alarming for your him. Hopefully, he’ll clearly communicate his fears about the prenup and you'll both be able to manage those fears head on.
If you still can't make any headway, then you'll have to decide if a prenup is a deal breaker for you. It's not an easy choice, but given your personal experiences, it's understandable why your fiancé's stance might give you pause. You might need to ask yourself uncomfortable questions about whether this point is one you can sacrifice your position on, or if you need to walk away.
Good luck,
Metro Money
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